A recent report has surfaced that Philadelphia Phillies owner John Middleton is asserting that his club lost $2 billion for the 2020 season. If that sounds ridiculous it’s because it is. It’s since been removed from the report signaling that it is false. Or, maybe, there’s some truth to what Middleton said, an owner would never steer us wrong after all. This all got me thinking of all the things I had lost in my life. The deeper I dug into my past the more I realized just how much truth there was in Middleton’s claim.
Michelle Lorenzo was the first crush I ever had. I still recall asking her out and her saying no. Let’s be honest, I was a dorky kid who had zero confidence, of course, her answer was going to be no. At least, that’s what I always thought was the reason. However, a quick trip into my noggin using the methods of John Middleton reveals that she actually said no because she knew she couldn’t deal with my coolness.
I loved playing baseball as a kid, only problem was that I was never all that great. I was good, but that’s because I put in a ton of work and was able to outplay way more talented kids until finally, all my work didn’t matter in the face of their talent. That’s the history I thought I knew, but the Middleton history tells a much different story. I was more talented than they were up until the very end. I simply chose to stop playing baseball because I was too good for my high school, or any school really.
Last, but not least, despite what my lungs would have you believe, I could run a marathon tomorrow if I wanted. I used to think I was limited to a few miles, but the reality is that if I really decided I wanted to run 26 miles today I could run those miles with nary a care in the world. Heck, this whole time I’ve thought that I couldn’t run a marathon because I would die of exhaustion but it turns out I was all wrong.
In summation, John Middleton is still a damn liar and an idiot, don’t you go thinking otherwise.
Lead photo courtesy of Unknown – Unknown